For a couple of days I've felt this annoyance of the "Christmas Spirit". In fact, I've felt this way for quite some time now. Getting older has sort of served this cynical outlook on how Christmas really is these days. Black Friday kicks off after Thanksgiving and already everyone that gave thanks to whatever they were thankful for disappears when they want to get a TV for $399 fighting for a "lifetime" deal that may not even matter months later. I wonder if companies do this shit just so they can have a laugh. It is sad. Very sad.
I also realize the stress people have in the holidays. I mean you would think that this time of the year would be filled with joy, but I see more fights in this time of the year than any other year. Most of these fights actually come around in the Mall and I have witnessed people at their worst there. It's almost hilarious to see this to tell you the truth. They want things to be perfect and when things are not going their way they just explode. Kinda love it to tell you the truth.
The people that work behind the counter probably get the worst treatment as these individuals get yelled at for no reason. One mistake and they will get blasted. It could be of the littlest things. They work for shitty dimes with crap sandwiches. And they get crapped on some more. No appreciation from the people buying from them and the companies that employ these poor human beings.
I for one have gotten sick of the holidays. I don't think it's the most wonderful time of the year. In fact, I think it's the shittiest time of the year. The excuses of people being nice for a couple of days in one month and revert back to being a complete asshole the next eleven is just baffling. I get stressed out trying to find out what my wife wants for Christmas. Bills pile up. We're broke the next three months. I don't see good paychecks. The snow fucking sucks. Stress stress & stress.
The spirit of Christmas has been dead for years. It hasn't been the same since I've aged. And I think that it'll get worse and worse as I get older. I don't really believe in the spirit anymore and it's because of what I've experienced that has defined that for me.
So yeah.... fuck Christmas.
Last year I was adamant about relationships between two different photos. I used to blog about it Monday, Wednesday & Friday as an exercise to see what kind of commonality I can create between two photographs. It was inspired by William Mebane who still continues to create this commonality of the images he creates. But this year it's been just Polaroids and small updates here and there. I've been busy and it's been great.
But recently my interest in finding common relationships in pictures have caught my interest once again by Kate Sweeney who is a current Columbus, Ohio resident who shoots mostly portraits. Her attention to detail in color is fascinating not to mention the subject matter she seems to analyze. I've seen some of her recent diptychs as of late and it really helped me regain that interest once again.
So, since purchasing a digital camera once again I've been playing around the idea of using this method for next year along with another method of shooting. I love just posting work and seeing its age when I scroll through the images months or years later of posting.
For these set of photographs, though, I want to actually Photoshop them... meaning removing certain things in the photo like dirt, maybe some highlights, and whatever feels as though the photo doesn't look aesthetically pleasing. Most of my images (especially film) only heal the dust and scratches and it will most likely stay that way. Previous digital images never needed that kind of care. But for the images I'm shooting these days I think I want to play with the idea of using some of these tools in a fine art approach.
I know from previous experiences that I was sort of instrumental about shooting digital photographs. But since I've purchased a digital camera that I actually like the landscape of photography has since changed. I have more ideas for projects which can help me out later on. I'm having fun with photography again and that's the way it should be.
I also realized that I want to be a bit relevant in the photo world and not be so isolated all the time. Shooting film, in my experience so far, has sort of secluded me. I should be a bit more accepting in some of these circumstances and that will hopefully allow me to be accepted in different areas of the photo world.
Next year should be a blast. I know my negativity can sometimes slow me down, but at this point I think I got a better outlook as to how I want process photographs once again.
I've struggled a lot making friendships, keeping relationships or even bonding with my own family. I guess it's in my nature to disappear and let them forget who I am and what I've around them. And because of this I think that my relationship to most things scares me. I could even say that my marriage scares the shit out of me. In what way? I'm not sure.....
I'm scared of letting people know me. I think that I hide a lot because letting them know me would be to revealing. And I'm scared that they would know too much that they could use it against me.
To tell you the truth I sometimes feel like I shouldn't do this anymore. I should've quit and learned how to fish. At least I'll be able to eat.
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I was ten years old when I started to walk to school in the morning by myself. These mornings I'd wake up early to eat breakfast, watch my morning cartoons and clothed myself for the whole day. And those mornings were the mornings I felt the most excited about.
Because those mornings I was alone. I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't see anybody, I was alone... alone for a couple of hours until school started. Those mornings, I could remember, were foggy which were probably the mornings I cherished the most. They were reminders that I'm a loner with little friends. I made friends, sure, but not the kind of friends I could talk about personal things.
And those foggy mornings I would sit on the bench and look. Feel. Drift away. Thinking about it now I've always had this thought of death. How I would one day pass away with no reasons. These were my thoughts at the age of 10. Perhaps this must be the thing that set me apart from other kids. And maybe away from my family.
I could remember thinking that life wasn't going to be good for me the next few years. Because those next few years would compile a reputation of getting ass beatings, rumors of my troubles, and of white people who have questioned ridiculous asian customs that I wasn't aware of at the time.
I'm 29 and still feel like that 10 year old who walked to school in the morning alone with no one to talk to and no one to share certain things to his friends and family. Because being alone is all I know and I'm sure that will like this for the rest of my life.
Read more...Some have said
That there is a peace found in our dead
But there was a sadness in your face
You loved your God
and now I hate mine just ‘cause
Watching you fall was my fall from grace
And you’ve been gone for thirty five hundred days
And I’ll keep on, though I know it’s not the same
The last time I saw you, my mother held tight to her children's hands and prayed
For a week and a weekend I had worked on a couple of pictures that needed some care. The photos were of a family friend taken possibly in around the early fifties. And for most of these images taken at that time they weren't properly cared for. Fortunately technology has given the world a chance to reconstruct the damaged images and bring them new life.
Attending a photo program in a city college included learning some of these skill sets. And in fact those skill sets are still among one of my favorite things I've learned to this day. Photoshop has many advantages if used properly. And to bring new life to these images can be amazing.
There are three image sets here that demonstrates even a small portion of what photoshop can do.
1. On this situation part of the image in the center was cut out. As I did some more cleanup I realized that I couldn't just sample a dress on this woman. It would look fake and noticeable. However, I had the idea that I could just shove the individuals from both sides of the picture and do my best to fill in that space. I could've sampled the post that was behind her, but I got too lazy and just left it there.
2. On this situation I had to sample the right side of the girls's hair and flipped it horizontally to get some different texture. I also did my best removing the tag on the bottom right sampling the left side of the skirt and flipping it as well. I did some deep curves set on this (as well as the other pictures I am going to show you next) to get the image to pop out a little more.
3. For this situation I had to sort of make the top of the head for the baby. By doing this I had made a sample on the left side of the head and copied the layer about 6 or 7 times to make the shape and cloned it a bit by sampling the hair of the head and the top of the head with the background.I also added a couple of leaves on the tree to fill in the space from the top left hand corner. I also merged the samples of the head into one layer and used a transform tool to make more of an oval shape. The rest was just cloning and healing the picture.
A little while back I had pre-ordered this book from J & L Books. THE LONELY ONES is the newest release from Gus Powell since his first book "THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS" in June 2007. In this book he was inspired by William Steig's "The Lonely Ones" which was a small book of illustrations followed with captions.
For this book Gus really wanted to use captions to give the images a different direction rather a photo displaying what something looks like. The pages are mostly fold outs which present the caption first and image inside the fold out. Captions such as "Mistakes Were Made" or "I Do This On the Side" either help the image identify what the image may convey or can confuse you or force you to figure out what you're trying to look for.
The idea allows the audience to be a bit more interactive with a book. With the fold out pages and captions you find something in images you probably have not found before. This was the first time I was satisfied with a photographer who thought about the selections of images and the titles that pair together.
And as of late I've been thinking about that same idea myself. To pair fictional titles to an image that had been captured in a real setting seems intriguing to me. I'm currently working on a small book that sort of uses this direction of looking at image. I will be releasing these details later next year.
Please check out this book. You won't be disappointed.
It's been almost a month and I had turned 30. There's nothing really different about it I guess, but it reminds me that I've stayed alive for 30 years. I've been through a lot and have been trying my best to get by. I've worked hard and gotten some great feedback from my friends, family and colleagues and it has helped me understand that I am here for a reason.
Just recently I've seen a direction I wanted to go towards to in photography and it seems as though it's the right direction to go to. It's this idea of helping community with the work I show seems so much more enticing than feeling like people need to by my work out of my own self indulgence. But at this time I feel fine and making work has been better since starting photography.
I don't know what I'm going to be doing for the next year. I do have plans that I'm working on to help get work out there for not only myself, but my friends that I respect as artists. This is something that I'm definitely down for and am willing to do in the next few years. Who knows... maybe a distro that I've been mentioning here and there may come up and I'll probably be running that next year. :)
Let's just hope now.
I think we can all agree that death has surfaced through our loved ones at one point. Heartbreaking to most individuals it could lead to some closure or to deep depression. Recently my wife's mother had pulled the plug on her father. His condition was worsening over the course of the years, but her family kept him alive all the time until now. He was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease awhile back which brought him back and forth into this world. I remember meeting him a year ago and he didn't really say anything. It was kind of heartbreaking. The barrier between him and I was language and I don't think he understood most of what I was saying (he speaks the Bisaya language on top of the Tagalog from what I understand). I'm sure he had a pretty good idea, but that's really all I got out of it. He was kinda brittle, sort of unable to maneuver from one place to the other. He stayed in the house most of the time and had been in the aid of the aunts and other family members.
The last few words that my wife's mother had said "I love you pa. I'm sorry I'm there..." which lead up to a good amount of crying and words "I just want to hold him" and "I miss pa..". It was heartbreaking for sure and seeing this made me recollect what I had been through years ago.
My father died of cancer when I was a senior in high school. I remembered in the waiting room I saw him, lifeless, as my brother removed the rag, kissed his forehead, and closed his eyes with his thumb and index. I think that moment burned in me till this day. And previous to his death he was slowly fading away, getting skinnier and skinnier by the days. It was awkward for me to even look at him let alone talk to him about things. I knew he was going to die when my mom had said "I'm afraid something is going to happen to dad." I don't think I had said anything to dad before he died. I kind of let him go in silence.
I remember this girl, Heather Frandson, who used to date this kid Andy... forgot his last name. They had some problems throughout their relationship in which I was sort of involved in. Heather's mother and father died at an early age and she was sort of faced with fending for herself. She used to be part of the scene back in Lemoore & Hanford. Going to shows, hanging out with friends, and really being part of that group of people. I remember I had to pick her up from the hospital one time because she slit her wrists. I spent the night in her apartment just to make sure she was okay. I found out at one point that she was in Palm Springs with Andy on the phone drunk on Vodka. She had a gun in an apartment and said her last words to Andy "I love you Andy. Sorry..." and then shot herself.
Another was of a guy named Nick who was sort of seeing this girl, Melissa. They hung out a lot with our friends and were kind of a cool couple to be around. One night Nick was driving Melissa home to Visalia when suddenly the car just flips over. Both of them were on the road and the last thing that Nick said to Melissa was "I'm very glad to have met you.".
It's been years thinking about all this. A lot of people have died along the way. And a lot of those people were pretty good human beings. I know that I talk about death a lot in some of my blogs, but that's kind of what I've been dealing with myself. About my purpose in life. About what I want to be known for before I leave this earth. I don't have to be this popular individual. I just want to be that guy who made a difference in peoples' lives. And I think with all of who have died they have allowed me that inspiration to live and be a better person each day.
Keep your loved ones close. You'll never know when they'll disappear.
Alright guys. I've been anticipating this moment for quite some time. On October 3rd, 2015 I will be showcasing some photographs of bands that I had taken years ago along side Nick DiNatale and Reid Haithcock. These two photographers are amazing and should be noticed more. If you're around the Lowell, MA area please join us in seeing our works on the walls along with bands that will be performing. This is something you don't want to miss.
Facebook invite can be found HERE
When I die I want to be cremated. I want my remains to be burned into an urn. That urn will be stuffed of my ashes sealed tightly. I want my wife to distribute these remains. I want my ashes to spread on the mountains of Connecticut. I want my ashes to be spread in Olongapo City where my cousins were from. I want my ashes to smear on my fathers grave in Lemoore.
And when my ashes are spread across I want my friends and family to remember that my name is Arthur Bueno and I was put onto this earth to let them know that everything will be alright. That happiness meant my friends and family are doing fine. That life can be beautiful when you let it be.
So, from my recent posts and the things that I've been trying to achieve I've been kinda hoarding on my work as of late. Sure, you see Polaroid posts every Monday and some sort of write up every Friday, but to show you the status of my other work... I've been pretty self conscious about that to be honest.
It's interesting when a company puts certain individuals in positions they can't handle and put the blame on the thing they weren't qualified for. Maybe that's why the trainer at the last company update sounded like he was drunk.
Things have been pretty busy on my end. I feel like I haven't given myself the chance to breathe and observe the happenings around me. And here I am... writing about it.. and have not given that chance still.
Over the course of the last few months my production has been crazy. Shooting pictures, editing pictures, writing music, printing books, photographing portraits, working a lot, going on small adventures, hiking, eating better, dieting, shopping for new gear, shooting digital again, and whatever else things. This mindset is endless and I think that it's healthy. I couldn't just sit on a chair and think about things anymore. Kind of tired of doing that.
So, by the time I write this I had a show and had attempted to sell books of a project that I had recently done. I had made big prints to showcase a preview of what the book looks like and shown some other pieces that could be potential for newer projects. These shows are not only a way to showcase work finished work, but to allow a preview of what's to come. It's a chance to see the audience members' reaction of what you're thinking about.
Other things have been floating on my mind aside from just shooting and creating projects. I've been on the binge listening to Ian Mckaye's wisdom over the past few months and have made some conclusions as to how I can become a better artist to not only myself, but to the world. Lately I've been wanting to share my work in more of a tangible way rather showing things on screen. Printing has been a major thing for me and allowing the people the opportunity to have a copy of what I have is more than enough for me to feel I'm succeeding as an artist.
I've been wanting to make a small distro that will allow my audience the opportunity to not only purchase my work, but the work of others as well. The distro will not only sell books or zines, but the opportunity to purchase music as well. Earlier this year I realized that music has to be attached to my work somehow. It would be stupid to stray away from something I grew up with for many years.
You will see releases shortly as I am determined to figure out how this will all work. I want this to be done right. This will be small place to work with friends and other artists that I aspire to be. Things are getting exciting and that's the way it should be.
I'm not sure if I should be writing anything as of this moment, but I'm feelin' a bit blue and maybe this whole "writing my thoughts" bit will ease some things.
I know I've mentioned my outlook regarding my work and worth in a negative way. And I can't help the fact that feeling this way stems from the worth of the guy who takes pictures of his cat, or the girls who take pictures of naked girls, or the skaters that photograph their friends drinking and passing out. This isn't anything against them, for sure, but my place in the art world is far away from the circle of artists that appreciate them.
And maybe I'm just whining about shit, but I'm kind of withering away in the world. I'll soon be buried or thrown away. I really got nothing to prove nor have anything to prove it to other than myself.
I'm beginning to think that everything that I'm doing is deeming sort of useless. Again, this is me possibly feeling like I don't belong anywhere in the world, but that's just how I feel I guess. I know that on an earlier post I had mentioned me making my art a benefit for others, but still I'd like to know if the work I'm creating is work that helps others. Because right now I feel like my work is pretty much doing nothing.
Maybe I'm getting old or decided that people are just plain crazy, but when you sniff coke during lunch and go back to processing shit on the computer you must be one fucking hell of a person. Just to be fair I'm guilty of doing such things (not that extreme though). Too much man.....
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I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Been thinking about my role as a photographer. Been thinking about what it means to take pictures. What it means to photograph these people, places and things. I'm nearing my age of thirty thinking about what I've done and what I've accomplished over the past few years. I'm not making any money photographing, rather, in a stable job jotting down numbers and moving files. I'm contracted by the state and given many tasks to complete daily. I've recently been promoted to a team lead position that will probably keep me busy for a long time.
But I'm still not making money from what I learned from school. So...... what am I doing with photography right now? I thought I would be working for a company at least doing retouching and such. I thought that I'd be doing small photo shoots and get paid massive amounts of dollars doing them. I thought I'd be doing a favor for all those individuals that needed pictures to share with family and friends.
It seems to me being an artist these days means being self indulgent. I'm sure most artists would disagree towards this statement, but I feel like I'm not really inspiring anyone nor helping anyone with the work I create. I think, with this mindset, that my purpose as an artist has strayed because of my own selfishness. Or..... my work just sucks. Either the two I still feel guilty knowing that I've spent years not considering this medium to be used for a good cause.
I recently threw a show involving three other photographers. This show was to help benefit animal shelter charity. I can't think of anything better to set my heart to. And you know what? It felt good. It felt good because my purpose as a photographer is clear. This is what art is supposed to do. In my opinion this is what helps people come together. And that's what I want to have within this community I'm starting to be apart of.
It's hard to look at photography news these days. It's hard to see how much negativity the community could bring towards other photographers. It's a competition with no real reason of people being competitive. It sort of sickens me to know that this is what photography has succumbed to. In fact its made me realize how artificial photographers or just artists have become.
Photography to me is not enough anymore. From now on I think being a photographer has to involve helping others/benefiting good causes. Because I'm in a good spot in life I want to be able to have others experience the good. I want to provide them help with what I can offer and not have any expectation to receive. And when the results of my actions are shown then I'm seeing my success as a photographer. I'm succeeding because my art is actually making some sort of difference.
I am a photographer. I am an artist. I'm not expecting to make any money doing what I love to do. I just hope that my legacy will one day be recognized to help inspire others. For now the road to helping others continues.
I want to thank everyone an anyone that has helped me through this process. I'm blessed by all of you. New things are in the works and I hope it will bring new levels of support I can provide. For now... thank you for everything.
Long nights and early mornings were among the moments I sat down, had a pen on hand, and wrote on a journal that I bought for $6.45 at an art supply shop downtown. Long nights and early mornings I'd write. And write. And write. Scribbles. Numbers. Grocery lists. A drawing of a sandwich. Or maybe even a number from a girl I friended at a coffee shop.
But it's those moments I really cared so much about. I would write stories of what had happened at a party when I had photographed a friend throwing a cup full of beer at someones face. Or the time I saw a guy pick his nose and flick it out the window while heading to work. One night stands. Throwing balloons at cars full of paint.
At one point I had a feeling that someone would grab the book and read it for themselves or for other people. Exposing my thoughts and feelings about how little my penis was or how little people were or how little my ass was. Written things that said "fuck I'm stoned and I really want some taco bell right now" or even ask stupid questions such as "why didn't that girl at the liquor store by a carton of eggs when she could've bought it cheaper at the Save Mart store down the street $2 less?"
These written things would be used against me if I were to run for governor. Headlines like ARTHUR THE STONER or ARTHUR LIKES PARTIES, POT, AND TACO BELL. A reminder of how I failed to keep my memories secret. It would kill my chance as a politician.
But it didn't matter. And I never cared if anyone read it. Those are the experiences I felt. Those are the things that made me the way I am. Those doodles, grocery lists, and phone numbers of people I'll never call... they are assets to what I do as a human being.
So, the moment I head in a room filled with unwashed clothes and printed photographs thrown on my bed I take a seat, adjust myself to the desk, have a pen on hand, and write on a journal I bought for $6.45 at an art supply shop downtown.
29 sort of equals 30 which makes 24 prepare for 26 and lets 18 feel like it's 21. These age variations make such drastic changes from the start of 5. And yet I still feel stuck between 23 & 25. I'm as mature as an apricot losing its limbs and as graceful as a piece burnt toast. I'm buttered up for taste and I'm cut up for thirst. Digested in 3rds and thrown up 7 times at first.
I'm 29 waiting on the moment of 30. Waiting for gray hairs to spread. Waiting for phone calls about friends who are dead. But I'm the dead one always keeping secrets of stories I shouldn't hear. How I could ruin people's lives whispering gossip ears.
30 is on its way. I'm decked out with a pair shoes, argyle sweater, a button shirt, a tie, and a face that says "you're so fucked" and "you look like you need more sleep." Clock is ticking. Make sure you return all required items at your desk.
end transmission
It was one night when two of my friends and I were smoking cigarettes in the front porch and we all wanted to eat, but had no money. Those days were dependent on financial aid to pay for groceries and school supplies. It held me awhile until the next paychecks came in.
Mike took out a $10 bill and said "if I can make this $10 bill into $40 I will take both you and Brandon out to Denny's." We hopped into his car and drove to Table Mountain Casino where he would chance his luck on the slot machines. While on the drive we were trying to play a tape of the band WOODS on his deck, but it kept spewing out. We let the remainder of the drive there talking about nothing.
We entered the casino and it was full of smoke, slot machine lights, and a vibe full of static. I looked around and saw that Brandon and Mike proceeded to evaluate what machine he wanted to use to earn some winnings. I paid no attention as I browsed around in awe of how Vegas like it was.
Mike and Brandon had created some strategies on the slots:
1. spend a dollar each time
2. if you're losing go to another machine
3. if you win play 3 more times and then go to another machine.
After about 20 minutes of browsing and lurking I went up to Mike and Brandon to see their progress. Mike had won about $43 dollars. He told me "dude.. let's cash in." He wen to the bank teller, traded the chips and received the $43. We hopped into his car and went home
Brandon at the first try puts the tape on the deck. The deck receives and plays the WOODS song "Holes".
"Downtown
You seem different don't forget my face
Wrapped around someone different in a different place"
This is repost of Chris Bucks' Five Tips for Becoming a Professional Photographer. I found it slightly amusing.
Five Tips for Becoming a Professional Photographer
Much of the conventional wisdom on to become an advertising and editorial photographer is wrong, so I’ve written up five tips that counter the common narrative. It’s exciting to meet young people who are creative and driven, nothing would make me happier than to see them thrive as professional shooters.
1. Don’t go to College
More and more I’m meeting emerging photographers who are saddled with over 100K of college debt. My advice to young people – skip photo college. You can learn everything you need through books, mentors and short-term courses.
It will be a more challenging road, requiring openness, experimentation, and plenty of trail and error but the dividends are astronomical. Imagine spending your twenties with the freedom to live and work anywhere you wanted without a crippling debt hanging over you demanding a substantial and regular income.
College is great but spending $150,000 to be a photographer is insane.
2. Don’t be a Photo Assistant
Photo assisting is a procrastination tool. One can make amazing money in their mid-twenties as a photo assistant – and have fun and strange experiences on a variety of photo sets - but what you won’t be doing is building a creative foundation that you’ll need when it’s time to get serious in your early thirties. The longer one waits to transition out of assisting the harder it will be – one goes from making great money to no money (at least initially).
A better choice would be interning for a great photographer for a season or two, you’ll be immersed in the world that you want to be a part of, and have the license to ask lots of questions.
3. Don’t Move to New York
I’ve met more than one young person who told me that they moved to New York to be inspired and be a part of a creative community only to find themselves feeling isolated and exploited. It seems that there are two kinds of people in New York, those with a vision, and those without who work for peanuts for those who do.
New York (and other important cities like Los Angeles and London) is primarily a marketplace – cultivate your vision elsewhere then bring it to market and show us something new. New York welcomes you – but come when you have something to say.
4. Don’t be Successful
If you’re any good you’ll find yourself at some point as out of line with the culture. Your clients will be uninterested or confused by your latest work. Go with it, as it means that you’re onto something special.
Of course one needs to make a living, so hit the sweet spot for your clients too, but keep shooting the less obvious pictures along the way – this will be the work that really makes your name down the road.
5. Do be a Hater
I’ve found that I make my most interesting and original work when reacting against a prevalent trend rather than being inspired by some well-achieved work. When you’re inspired by a great photographer you tend to make some variation on that person’s work. But when you react against something you set the bar higher, “these folks are getting it wrong, and I’m going to show them the right way.” For me that means digging deep into myself and asking the hard questions about where photography should be going and how I might help bring it there.
