I'm 29 with dry brown skin, lanky build, and tired eyes. I wake unnecessary hours, drink cups of tea, make smoothies and stay hungry before lunch. I have a wife, 2 cats, and a dog along with an apartment and a truck with a check engine light on. I wither away working hours for nothing & come home with nothing. I'm 16 with my emotions and 45 with my skinny bones. But I'm 29 with dry brown skin, lanky build, and tired eyes.
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The fireplace lit up with two logs and 20 pieces of paper that was used to start the fire. A couple of tries of igniting and few adjustments of the logs be positioned a fire finally starts. It's warm and the embers are slow and steady and every 10 minutes a burst of flame would appear. The fire would then casually hangout for an hour.
All the lights are out except the small Christmas tree that stands 2 feet tall. I'm next to the fireplace, with a serving tray occupied with tea cups and tea pot, and a computer with a blog post waiting to be written. But I have no ideas and I'm completely lost of what I wanted to say. So I stare at it a few and make attempts to write. Nothing makes sense. All I write is about things I don't want to do... like write a blog post.
The embers slowly take over. It's almost like they're tucking themselves to sleep. I continue to stare at the screen with my hands positioned for any ready idea. But I'm still lost.
My wife calls me to the bedroom and I gave her the "I'll be there in 20 minutes" excuse when it turned into 45. But alas the embers still burn slow. I close my laptop, drink a couple of sips of tea, take a leak, and readied for bed. I only slept 4 hours.
The car turns on at 6:23 in the morning while the coffee is brewing, the bowls of food for the cats and dog are filled, and I scatter to gather everything into one place. I get my shirt, un-ironed pants, a small jacket, a hat, clothed myself and look in the mirror to see if I need to fix anything. My face is swollen from loss of sleep and my hair still doesn't want to look right.
I sit on the table in the living room drinking a brew of coffee I bought at the market for $5.99. 2 or three cups later, and during the daily news channel 4, I go to the bathroom to take a piss and look at my face one more time. I still look haggard, but at this moment I'm late and I don't give a shit.
I kiss my wife goodbye, gather my things and head out to the car. It's warm in there. I blast the heat. Off I go...
And after I exit towards the highway the check engine light turns on.
My arrival at work was smooth. I back my car to the parking spot, grab my things and head to the building. I'm in my cubicle prepping the computer. 7:30 I log on and I'm ready to work. It doesn't end till 6:30 pm.
After work I try starting my car. No response. I try again. No trigger. I pop the hood and saw the wire that connects to the battery is loose. I adjust it. Turned the key and it ignites.
I warm the car for 5 minutes. I put the car in gear and proceeded to drive home. My exit appears and I veer into the road. It's already past 7 and arrive back home. The check engine light is still on. I have to wake up at 4 in the morning to get ready for work.
When he wakes up it's already 9:35 at night. The kids are asleep, the wife is awake, the coffee is brewing, and breakfast is served. He puts on his boots, green pants, button shirt, green jacket, and looks in the mirror. His gun is holstered, eats with his wife, drinks his coffee and leaves for work embarking a 45min drive to Avenal. The kids don't see him until 6 am.
He met his wife at Olongapo City in the province of the Philippines. This was the northern region where most of the poor reside. He went to school, made small peso's shining shoes, but worked up to enlist in the military. He was a Naval Officer. He met her at school. They fell in love had two kids. They partied. They got drunk. They move to the U.S.
Still enlisted his wife wouldn't see him for months at a time. They would move around California. First Long Beach. A boy is born. Second was the Naval airbase. It was a daughter. Then Lemoore. Another boy. Months would pass. He would be on a boat. He would retire.
Five kids and a wife in a small house. He doesn't know what to do. He works at a Wal-Mart for awhile to pay the bills. He stocks boxes on graveyard shifts. He decides to go to school to become a Correctional Officer. He leaves for a couple of months. Comes back with a degree. Comes back as a graduate.
His long drive ends. He's at the prison walking the beat, monitors the inmates, making sure things are in order. It's 3:00 am. No one is alive till 5. He sits there and makes sure things are well and over.
It wasn't easy for him to do these things. Making sacrifices, making choices, and not seeing his wife and kids in the years that mattered the most. He was a stranger and father to 5 kids he barely knew. But he did it and this is who he is today.
I woke up at six in the morning as his Camaro drove up to the garage. I waited for him and opened the door. I saw him. He looked at me. The only thing I could tell him was this.....
"Dad... what would you like for breakfast?"
Awhile back Blake Andrews had posted something on his blog regarding free prints. Of course I had to jump the gun and see if this was real or not. And indeed it was. He had also mentioned something interesting in his blog that had me intrigued
"Last summer I replaced my website with a simple filler page, and a few weeks ago I stopped my daily postings to Tumblr. So mail seems like an inviting alternative."
"The motivations for going offline are complicated and I'm still sorting through them, but I think at root it's general malaise. I realize I wasn't getting much satisfaction or feedback from posting recent photos online. Worse, they grew stale quickly. For me the most exciting photos are the new ones. I pump shit out like crazy -and shit is definitely the operative word for some of it. But when I throw a photo online it begins to age before my eyes. It becomes yesterday's news."
Happy 2015 everyone. This year should be just as productive as last year if not more. I have many aspirations for the next few months and am aware of the challenges ahead. This year I want to work on getting more exhibits in and show my collection of work to the public. I will also be shooting Polaroids as a weekly updater. I decided to do Polaroids this year just so the projects I'm working on can stay pent up in the hard drive and brew for awhile. They are being edited as we speak.
I also acquired a good number of cameras last year and one of them being this Pentax Auto 110. I'll be shooting black and white for 2015 and maybe even for the next few years. It's just something I've aspired to do for awhile.
The working title I have for the new project is called "In a Place I'll Probably Sleep". It pays homage to John Galm's first solo album release through Broken World Media and was easily one of my favorite solo releases of 2014. I've been a fan of John Galm's past works through Street Smart Cyclist and Snowing (not so much of his garage efforts through Slow Warm Death however) so this record was definitely something I'd love just seeing it's release.
On the past post regarding the album I had mentioned his subject about death. I've been thinking about it a lot and it's been something I've wanted to use as a theme for a new project. Nothing morbid though. More of a take of how others perceive it.
Let's welcome 2015 with open arms. I'll have my first Polaroid post this coming Monday. Until then Happy New Year everyone!