IF THERE'S A DOOR TO OPEN...

I finally depart from 2015 and arrive to 2016 with a fresh mind and goals to complete. There’s so much I want to do this year which will keep me pretty busy. Hopefully this will be the year things start to turn around.

But for this moment I want to take the time and reflect on what happened for twelve months…

Pros

- I’ve started writing music again. This has been an ongoing thing that I’ve now started taking serious. The amount of work I’ve collected over the year has proved to me that I can write as a solo artist and not depend on anyone to come to practice. Because of software programs like TabIt and EZDRUMMER I’ve gained a better perspective on how to write and how to approach a song in different angles. I can also write other styles of music that I’d never be able to do with other people. This is probably one of the best things about being solo and working on your own time.

- I’ve exhibited quite a bit of work this year. The opportunities I’ve been given has been amazing and to connect with individuals that share my vision makes me feel blessed. I feel like I’m heading in the right direction on what I’ve been working on as of late. I know it’s taken me this long to get things going, but I’m sure that doing what I love doing will eventually gain some notoriety.

- My company gave me the opportunity to be promoted as team lead for my department. This has helped increase my pay and kept me a steady float financially. It’s been interesting as I’m the elite at my job and the people below me have to come to me for advice or permissions on things they need to do. Being higher up on the chain is weird though. Doesn’t mean that I’m gonna let this power go over my head.

- I opened up a savings account. I’m actually saving.



Cons

- Though that I’m now more stable financially I’ve went through a whole mess of instabilities with money this year. As bills piled up, things getting shut off, and food barely being present in certain weeks of the month it wore me out having to stress these things on a daily. It’s also forced me to work overtime for almost 8 months to just make ends meet. Being barely above water is something I’m not very happy about. I want to have the comfort of knowing that we’re going to be okay. And those months weren’t very okay I can tell you that right now.

- I fell into some deep depression a lot this year. A lot of my “self” has somehow disappeared and I haven’t been as happy as I used to be. I’ve sort of developed this cynical outlook on life that I shouldn’t be having, but it seemed like this year things weren’t very hopeful for me. I could tell that most of my “self” has been lost because certain things I used to enjoy are not present anymore. The things that made me happy didn’t help me stay happy. I thought a lot about my life as what my purpose should be and what I could contribute to humanity. But I couldn’t find what that is. I’m thinking about seeking a therapist this year to rediscover what it means to be a human in this earth and what it could help with the people around me. So far I haven’t found that yet.

- I felt alone a lot. I felt that I couldn’t communicate my feelings to my wife nor my family for anything. I’ve lost touch with that family aspect so much that I’m kinda afraid of them. Things have changed over the last few years and it seems like no one really knows what’s going on with me. That’s partially my fault because I don’t really talk about my problems with people. I’ve been afraid to let people enter life including my family. I guess I was just afraid to let them know who I am because I was embarrassed at how shitty my situation is? Not sure….


And now we’re here. We’re here alive and hopefully well. I’m surprised that I’ve kept this blog up this long. I’ve struggled to decide whether I should just completely shut down this place or continue the legacy that I’ve created. But I decided to keep it going for as long as it takes. There will be a few adjustments here in the next few months. Since my outlook on my art has changed quite a bit I want to see what I can add or take away that will help this blog stay interesting. We’ll just have to see later on.


Hello 2016. My name is Arthur Bueno and I’m a photographer.