COMFORT IN A CUSHION AND WARMTH FROM A SPOT LIGHT

And Able to Breathe Easily / Lowell, Ma / September 6, 2015

At these times I've realized how interested I was just doing still life work. I've photographed enough people at this period to sort of stray away. There have been loads of photographers approaching these types of subjects for quite some time. I was so inspired to do it that it made me want to try it out. I really dig it and may want to make a project out of it soon.

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I'M ALREADY READY TO WORK FOR SOMEBODY ELSE

I'm not sure why this year seems so much more different. After three years of working for the same company I'm ready to work elsewhere. Not in the same type of position, but in the position that requires more creativity. As you know (or for the people that follow me here) I've been working as a team lead at a division processing medicaid insurance. It's quite boring, but it provides me the means of getting the things I want and need.

A video posted by @buenopower on Feb 1, 2016 at 11:08am PST

So this is me doing this shit all day 40 hours a week. It's a little depressing and the realization that I'm good at something that I don't care about makes it even worse. Again.. this is my reality that I have to face all the fucking time.

But just recently I've gained the motivation to start working as an artist rather being just an "artist". I don't know if that means I have to start reaching out to clients and make shit happen, but this is what I have to get into in order for my degree to not necessarily go to waste. I don't plan on working for some big ass company doing dirty work of photographs, but I do plan on doing more commissioned based stuff.

Though I can't necessarily steer away from my 9-5 job I have to at least make the effort of starting something on the side to make myself feel more complete. I mean.. I should consider myself lucky that I have a job. In fact.. I make more money than a lot of my friends. It's so weird to me. In a way I kinda scammed these people into thinking that I was right for the job.

I hope that things will start coming through in the next few weeks. Fuck.. because this place is going to bury me alive.

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IT'S RIDICULOUS

Ridiculous That I'm Always Awake / Middletown, Ct / September 4, 2015

It's a gift and a curse that I have some sort of sleeping problem. There are some moments where I'll be up late with decent ideas in my head and weird motivations to do things I probably shouldn't be doing. Other moments are just spent reflecting on nothing. So here's my self portrait of no sleep.

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SOMETIMES I'LL SHOOT THESE PICTURES

And I Regret it Most of the Time / Glastonbury, Ct / March 27, 2015

To be honest the reason I took this picture because of the color red and how big the mirror is... I'm dead serious...

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DANCE

It'll Mean Something / Hartford, Ct / April 13, 2015

I got a chance to see this woman exhibit a dress made out of trash bags. It was pretty cool. That's all I got out of it though. Nothing else...

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FLYING PLASTIC

It'll Warm Up the Tree / Middletown, Ct / April 11, 2015

The surroundings was getting warmer and shooting became better as the weeks went on. Course there were some days where it was just cold and non bearable. But what do you expect right? New England weather man....

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SO FAR... KINDA OKAY I GUESS?

I haven't had a chance to write any direct text posts for a bit considering the amount of work I've been pummelled with over the last few weeks. I swear I need to find a new job before I die trying to help someone get Medicaid.

Work life sucks. It fucking sucks. And I say this because after work I don't find the motivation to do anything other that eat and sleep. I hate feeling this way. It also doesn't help that we've had some snow and the cold just pierces your face. That's something I'm not really down for.

But I have been making the most out of my time. I've written the final set of songs for my old band, Elmo Marconi (yup.. gonna try to write a full album), written solo music (black metal, punk, emo.. you know) and just been listening to music that is sort of out of my region of listening. Photography?... well to be honest I've been just shooting pictures and not really thinking about the outcome of what could be. I've started editing my work here and there, but it isn't something I'm ready to deal with full throttle quite yet.

I've also started feeling pretty down on certain occasions. Over the last few weeks there have been a number of things that have been bothering me:

1. my job
2. what i want to do in my life
3. is photography worth my time
4. why am i doing this?
5. what the hell is a blog?

It's beginning to become pretty bothersome and today I've decided to call in sick to just re route my thoughts and feelings. I work hard to make money that ends up being spent on food, gas and bills. My wife, far more successful than me, is getting opportunities of a lifetime. People are leaving the company. People are enjoying their life.

And I'm here....


And I don't know what I'm doing...

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I DON'T WEAR SOCKS MOST DAYS

I Need To Do Laundry / Portland, Ct / Aprill 11, 2015

I don't know why I photograph my feet so much, but there's something about it that I've always found intriguing. There are loads of images that I've taken just of my feet. I could probably make a little zine out of it? I don't know...

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IT'S OKAY.. I COULDN'T SEE EITHER

I Guess It Was Just My Imagination / Middletown, Ct / April 11, 2015

I was photographing a lot on my dashboard window before wiping the window of my truck. I'm still sort of working on this thought seeing more abstract look in photographs rather than shooting images directly all the time. I haven't found what I'm looking for for this set of images, but I'll probably figure it out later.

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I CAN'T TAKE YOU SERIOUS

Get A Real Fucking Hat / Hartford, Ct / April 6, 2015

Jennifer has become a good friend in my life along with our other friend Jonny. It's not often that you see Asians here in Connecticut which vibe the way me and my wife do. I'm glad this particular person is around. I owe her a lot.

Glasses up to you friend.

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I WAS DRUNK THROWING UP

The Scotch Hit the Spot Though / Lowell, Ma / April 3, 2015

This would again help demonstrate the ability of how the camera can shoot at night. I love how the noise levels are left at a minimum (I mean you can see them there, but if you're just careful about your processing you can really create great results) and you can still receive a great deal of sharpness with no compensation. Again, I would hope that these images can be something I could use for a later project.

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