MY MOOD AND I'M NOT ELUSIVE FINALLY
You know I've been a bit stressed lately. It's a good kind of stress I suppose. You know.. the one where you need to make sure shit gets done and then you get it done, but then there's still some things you need to get done? Yeah.. that kind, but you know you'll get it done. It just needs to wait a bit. And I kinda hate waiting these days. I've sort of lost my patience on certain things I'd usually be patient for. Of course, I can't think of it at the top of my head, but it's just one of those things I've just started developing.
One thing is for sure is that I've been doing my best to figure out how I can be productive and not just be a snail. I mean I've been like that for quite awhile, but I've notice that my motivation on certain things hasn't been very good lol. I guess it's the summer and I just want to have fun and stuff. I just want to go out and eat a bunch of garbage and sleep and stay up all day and all night. But whatever right? hahahahaha.
I love my mood. I love that I've been getting better at staying positive. I love the fact that I've been very good at keeping intact with certain things that matter to me. I've been happy that I've been keeping my priorities straight and now fucking off like most people would do. Its one of those things that I just haven't been able to grasp amongst the folks that I've been surrounded with.
Hopefully things will start moving a little faster. Gawddamn because things are hella slow right now. Or maybe things are just not catching up to me??? Who knows.
JUST A SMALL WRITE UP FOR THIS MIDDLE OF THE YEAR
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
I almost feel like this is sort of a tradition to write about my progress in the middle of the year. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I'm too lazy to check lol. I'm going to be living with my partner on the first of July. I'm ready to start a new life with someone again. Not to say that I haven't started a new life with this person, but this is the seal to determine how well we work together.
It's been an interesting few years I must say. Much of what I dealt with in my previous relationship was financial instability and not knowing if we were going to make rent at the end of the month. Trying to figure out what we were going to do with all the bills and such was so stressful. I can't even fathom living that life again. I can't fathom being broke and not being able to eat the food I want to eat (and believe me... I've been eating good).
This time I've taken quite a bit of steps to work towards having a savings and having some stability. I'm not at the place I want to be, but maybe this wait is something I need to understand. Maybe this is the wait I've been needing to determine how much I can deal with life. Of course, I could use more vacations and could use a pay raise, but that doesn't come around if you don't put in the effort. I'm not really down with my jobs and have no feeling of a future in them, but I can tell you that for the time being I'm able to save more money that most of my friends unfortunately.
I thought about this when talking to one of my team members and have realized that I lived a pretty interesting life. In some periods they were crazy and others very flat, but I could tell you that I didn't just stay in one place. No. I kept moving around and found discoveries of myself in these beautiful and bizarre places. It's strange. I would have never thought to live in such a weird state. East coast folk are very straight forward, but they've taught me to not really give a damn if I don't have to. They taught me how to work hard without complaining (in some respects).
I still have a long way to go for sure. I know that deep down things are going to just get worse from here, but I guess it's the way I approach it will determine how well I can deal with it. Fuck it ya know? Try to help the ones you love and show some respect to the strangers and homeless. Keep the punk alive. Eat fresh veggies. Don't ever trip on things that you think are not worth your time. Maybe these motto's are the reasons why I'm still breathing and why I still can't get rid of this stupid gut.
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